sábado, 12 de março de 2011

Start all Over.

  First of all, I want to apologize for the fact that I haven't written anything for a while (yes almost a month, don't frown at me), however I've been a little busy. I went back home, and I decided to take that time to enjoy being with the family and friends. Now that I'm back I don't really have an excuse not to write, so here we go.
  Like every single post on this blog, this all started to a little trip to the groceries. I always find myself thinking as soon as I go out the front door about something completely... philosophic, if you will. It's generally about life, or what I found about life. I think sometimes I spend so much time thinking about everything, that I forget to live it really, but that's a whole other post. This one is about Starting all Over.

 I think I'm blessed, when it comes to having a change of heart, because every decision I made so far was supported by my parents and friends. Well, except when I changed schools, my parents weren't really happy about that, or when I decided to move to another country, their level of excitement wasn't very high either. However, they always let me go, and do what I want. I discovered today, that often, I prefer to change my life, than to face it. I've done it three times so far, and even though there's always the happy stage of "YES! This is different!!!" As soon as stability takes over I'm like: "No, I need to change. I can't deal with this." Don't get me wrong though, I don't think at this stage I've found stability yet, but I'm already deciding different options of change. Different uni, different country, different life.

 Yesterday, I saw the new episode of Skins (Oh I can hear the judgement already! All the sighs and frowns once again!). Where this character, Grace, also faces with change. But, while I want to change, she wanted to remain the same. I think she described me (when she was describing her ) perfectly. "I'm a story." There. Three little words. I'm someone that's been briefly in someone's life and then I disappeared. I can't count all the people I once called best friend, all the people that I went out at night to clubs to have fun, they were the first people I would call. The boys I liked that I haven't spoken also for years. I also changed personality, I've been a reggae girl, a emo girl, a rock girl, hip hop girl, you name it. My room changed thousands of times, from dolls, to posters, to nothing, just white.

  Which brings me to the question, is this growing up? Or is this a pattern? Will I be one of those people who needs constant change in my life in order to be happy? And there's always the contradiction, even though I don't like that people leave my life, I seem to be always the one leaving first. And I don't know why.

 I guess its something that I need to think about. Either way, life will go on, here, there, everywhere.



  P.S - I had to leave this song here :) I'm obsessed.