Future and "What Else?"

  My dear friends, today I find myself in a questioning mode. With nothing by my side than a simple bottle of water (and maybe pizza ahahaha), I decided to come here and write about this fear of mine that's been haunting me for some time now. First of all, I don't want to say I'm deciding to get married soon, or move soon, or anything like that, the questions and analyses that I'm about to make are just random thoughts that I had while having a nervous epiphany, for the lack of a better word. I was there taking a shower, and the sudden question popped into my mind "What Else?"

 Now, I've been trying to shake this question out of my head. You see, since I'm studying abroad, there's a ticking clock counting down the days of these three years. It might seem like a long time for some, but then again I thought about the same thing about highschool, and here I am now, in the University. What am I going to do next with a writing degree? Sometimes I think my father was right, I should take another degree, you now, something fancy like journalism. People would ask me "What do you do for a living?" and I would answer with my fancy and super intelligent mode (you know wearing the glasses and all) "I'm a journalist. I work for News Today." Sounds so much better then "I'm a blogger, and I'm currently working to get my book published" when in the end, I don't even have a actual book, just some pages full of ideas.
 
 I can even listen to myself in the early stages of my life, looking at me with disappointment and rolling their eyes at the person that I am today:

 5 Year Old Me: You're a writer? No! You are supposed to be a princess! Like Ariel! And swim in the ocean like a real mermaid! You don't even have her hair!

  Nowadays Me: I know, I'm sorry! I don't really know if you can study to be Ariel in the real world, but I'm sorry, I do like to swim though!

 7 Year Old Me: You're supposed to be a doctor! I wanted to save babies!

 Nowadays Me: I know, I'm so sorry, I wanted to save babies to but it's really difficult to...

10 Year Old Me: No it's not! You're supposed to be studying dolphins! I wanted to study dolphins remember? DOLPHINS ARE CUTE!

Nowadays Me: I still agree with that! Dolphins are awesome! They fight with sharks and they are really nice...

15 Year Old Me: Are you serious right now? Aren't you supposed to be a rockstar? I mean I have guitar lessons for what? Are you kidding me? How pathetic and uncharacteristically me are you?

Nowadays Me: Uh that's a big word! I'm proud of you, even though you are kinda of emo and you don't really like the world right now ..


 This is what I have to put up with. And then there's the pressure from the people around you. Its not really their fault, they don't even know they're doing it. Like when my father or my grand mother ask me "So, do you have a boyfriend yet?" That's when you have to smile and answer "Haven't found him yet!", and of course ignore that pang on your heart. That doesn't mean however, that I'm not having fun. In fact I have. I have been having some fun, but nothing serious. Not that I don't want to have a boyfriend, I really can't wait to meet him, but for now, I just haven't met him yet. That's all folks!
 There's just this huge pressure coming from that non-stopping ticking clock that just shows us how time keeps passing by, and how the little things that you enjoy about life now, will be taken away in the future. I mean when are going to see those Disney movies again? When are going to read a good childish book like Harry Potter just for the fun of it? Those things are replaced by a single question: What are you going to do next?
 What am I going to do next. The expectable? Finish my course, get married, have a couple of children, buy my own house, my car, have a job... you know monotony. The more time passes by, the more I feel unprepared to have that life. If you ask the 5 Year Old Me, if she wanted to be married, she would say:

 5 Year Old : Yes, I'm going to be married when I'm twenty, with a guy like my ken doll, he's a surfer!!!

 Things don't really work like that, don't work like our 5 Year Old Disney stories. I wish they did, not the married part though. Right now, I don't want to be married at all. Marriage actually scares me more than having to move to a different country all by myself. The future itself scares me more then, I don't know, then death?

 And so the question keeps ringing in my ears... What else Maria?