Start all Over.

  First of all, I want to apologize for the fact that I haven't written anything for a while (yes almost a month, don't frown at me), however I've been a little busy. I went back home, and I decided to take that time to enjoy being with the family and friends. Now that I'm back I don't really have an excuse not to write, so here we go.
  Like every single post on this blog, this all started to a little trip to the groceries. I always find myself thinking as soon as I go out the front door about something completely... philosophic, if you will. It's generally about life, or what I found about life. I think sometimes I spend so much time thinking about everything, that I forget to live it really, but that's a whole other post. This one is about Starting all Over.

 I think I'm blessed, when it comes to having a change of heart, because every decision I made so far was supported by my parents and friends. Well, except when I changed schools, my parents weren't really happy about that, or when I decided to move to another country, their level of excitement wasn't very high either. However, they always let me go, and do what I want. I discovered today, that often, I prefer to change my life, than to face it. I've done it three times so far, and even though there's always the happy stage of "YES! This is different!!!" As soon as stability takes over I'm like: "No, I need to change. I can't deal with this." Don't get me wrong though, I don't think at this stage I've found stability yet, but I'm already deciding different options of change. Different uni, different country, different life.

 Yesterday, I saw the new episode of Skins (Oh I can hear the judgement already! All the sighs and frowns once again!). Where this character, Grace, also faces with change. But, while I want to change, she wanted to remain the same. I think she described me (when she was describing her ) perfectly. "I'm a story." There. Three little words. I'm someone that's been briefly in someone's life and then I disappeared. I can't count all the people I once called best friend, all the people that I went out at night to clubs to have fun, they were the first people I would call. The boys I liked that I haven't spoken also for years. I also changed personality, I've been a reggae girl, a emo girl, a rock girl, hip hop girl, you name it. My room changed thousands of times, from dolls, to posters, to nothing, just white.

  Which brings me to the question, is this growing up? Or is this a pattern? Will I be one of those people who needs constant change in my life in order to be happy? And there's always the contradiction, even though I don't like that people leave my life, I seem to be always the one leaving first. And I don't know why.

 I guess its something that I need to think about. Either way, life will go on, here, there, everywhere.

  P.S - I had to leave this song here :) I'm obsessed.

Valentines Night Out.

So I went to the Valentines Traffic Light party yesterday, and of course I was ready for having fun. The thing is, every time I go out clubbing, I can't help but think "Is this really how I want to meet my future Valentine?" The answer is no. No, I don't, I want to meet him in a book store, or HMV, but never when we're going out clubbing. However, I can't really predict this things and I know everything is possible.

 I've got to say this though, yesterday I did have fun, until, I saw Blondie.

 You see, every time I go into a school, I already know the boys I won't EVER have, but I do like to look, because looking never killed anybody, and yesterday Blondie was in fact terrific. Oh Blondie, so beautiful, I was trying not to droll, until one of my friends said:

  - Him? I know him!!

 Apparently my friends know all the guys I'm falling head over hills with, and they never TELL me! So of course I was marvelled, and after a request from my friend, he came to dance KINDA BUT NOT REALLY beside me! Until this girl, who was wearing a backpack, at the club, appeared and he went to her, and started talking to her. My mouth fell to the floor. I was all dolled up, and he went to talk with the girl who was wearing jeans and a shirt, with a backpack on her back.
  Even though I said to my friend, what I promised on this blog I wouldn't say any more "He's too much for me" suddenly I started to question myself, until I decided as soon as I got home "I don't care about him any more." and I really don't. Even though he is gorgeous, and plays football, and is totally my dream man, I DON'T CARE.

 Maybe I should really try with the book store hottie. I don't know, I'm not meant to do this things, really. I'm not really the type of person who succeeds every time she tries something with a guy, mainly because I get to nervous, and I ruin things before they even start. Whatever will be, will be I guess. 

 But I'll leave you with a wonderful song, so you don't get all depressed and thinking "Awh, poor girl"

  Have a nice weekend!

City of Blinding lights baby!

  Hello to you all! I'm exhausted today, I know I shouldn't complain of my University's schedule because its really good, but three hours of Modernism and Post Modernism sometimes just drain all your energy. However there's always a few moments in the day where you still feel that you should smile.
  Today, I had one of those moments.

  With Valentine's Day approaching, me being a single girl, that day is always the last thing I want to hear. And even though, I did find somethings to occupy my time, sometimes I can't help it to feel that little pang that still wishes I had someone to share this day with. Don't get me wrong though. This only happens SOMETIMES, and I did find a awesome way of spending my day.

  However, this always gets me back to the same subject: love.

  Today as I was walking with my friend Kate, and we passed by this handsome guy who I've been meeting always in the most random places. I didn't know his name, but because we always seem to meet each other, we just say "Hi" and smile awkwardly. But since I wasn't alone when I met him today, I couldn't help but turn to Kate and say.

  - Oh God, he's so cute!

  Kate looked at me in a funny way.

Kate: Who?
  Me: That guy that just passed by and said hello. Oh God... You know, I've been meeting him since the first day I came here, and I don't even know his name...
 Kate: That guy? I know him!

  And then she proceeded to tell me what she knew. But the first thought that came to my mind was "Oh... I wish I could fall in love with him." And this was when my brilliant mind decided to wander, in my passed love life, and in all the mistakes I've made so far. The thing is, even though I wish I could fall in love with one person, I always end up falling in love with another one that's completely wrong for me. Always. No exception so far.  I end up always wondering what it would be like, to actually fall in love with someone that you choose. But, like some of my friends that doesn't happen, and I gathered a few interesting facts for that matter.

  The first one being: "He's too good for me." . This is a sentence that I've been saying since I first learned what love is, and I listen to my friends constantly saying in random conversations about boys "He's too good for me.". And I couldn't help but wonder, where did this thought even began? I have friends, that are so beautiful, so talented, so wonderful, and they're always saying that they can't fall in love with a certain boy, because he'll never look at them, "He's too good.". And today, I found myself, as I pressed the lift button to my floor, saying the same exactly thing. I hate that I always do that, I'm a victim of my self-esteem. I'm a victim of thinking that they are always too good for me, and somehow I'm never good enough.

 I opened my door and I thought "Fuck it, never going to happen.". But why not?

 So for this Valentine's Day, not only I hope to go out, but I'm also going to change my way of thinking. After today, I'M also good. Because, well, I kinda am, in my own way. And I think all my friends, all those single ladies out there, should think the same way too. Every single one of them ARE better then the boys they have in mind, they truly are.

  Because in the words of Mr Bono: "Oh you look so beautiful tonight!"

Will you John Cusack?

Today this is going to get a bit personal. I wasn't planning on writing this weekend, however, this black cloud has been on my head the whole weekend and I find myself mad at me. Me and one friend of mine, were talking this week, because of a guy. And then she said the magic words:

 Friend: You know? I'm so tired. I'm tired to always be the girl that guys like but they don't like to show it. Like I have to be hidden all the time. I'm so tired.

 And I only said: "I know.". But the truth is, this really affected me for the simple reason that, what's happening to her now, has been the story of my life. And often I find myself feeling guilty for letting myself even be on that position. I always heard that love is bigger than everything else, you see it on TV often on films, you listen it often on songs, but I always have to question: What exactly is love?

 I've been in this love roller-coaster a few years now, and somehow, I always find myself stuck on the same story, the difference is that the prince is not the same. Maybe its me, I'm the one who always picks that guy that is too afraid to admit his feelings for me to his friends, to my friends, and so we have to keep it a secret. At first I honestly had nothing to say, until things became unbearable. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do the same ever again, but then the next one comes and the story repeats, and repeats. Like my friend I became tired. That's why I haven't fall in love for a while now, and that's why I've been just having fun.

 I was only in love once. And when I saw how things were ending up. I did this:

I begged. I was weak. I thought I had to do everything I could, to make him love me. But then one day, and this was one of the turning points in my life, I saw one interview with the actress in this scene. Ellen Pompeo was talking to Oprah, and Oprah told her that this was one of her favourite scenes. This used to be one of my favourite scenes too, so I was anxious to see what Ellen would say. And she said, she was actually against this scene, because no woman should beg for her man to love her, if he did, he should just show it. I had the same reaction as Oprah, realization. She was right. Why do we submit ourselves to do these things for men?


 And not only that, but it's not only me and my friend on that situation, but I know other girls who are going through the same thing. And my question is: Is this it?
 Is this how love is always going to be for me?
 Won't I ever get the right to have a guy, no not a guy, a man, who actually isn't scared of holding my hand in the street? And is actually capable of calling me girlfriend?

 Either way, I know John Cusack won't ever be at my window with a bombox even though I still dream about it.

Either way, I'll just wait and see.

"Big things come for those who wait." - Is this true?

 First of all, YES, this is a new layout! Yes I know, I finally managed to be a nerd and actually create something on this blog that made it look at least a little more interesting. So yes, thanks to me - and not Google, not at all, pfffft, please... ok it was Google - this blog, ladies and gentleman,  is now "cool".

 Second of all, lets now talk about something more interesting like "Why the hell aren't I rich?" Yes. That's the question that I asked myself today at least 20 times, when I decided to walk around town in a suicidal trip to the local stores. I call this suicidal for two simple reasons. I don't have money to actually buy what I want, and I ALWAYS wish I was thinner. Yet, I still walk around town just for the sake of it, and I go to the same stores.

 A store that always kills me is, of course, Topshop. I love it, but I simply can't afford one simple piece of clothing from that store. And yet, I stood there for, at least, 20 minutes. I love so many things from that store, that if I actually was rich I would pull a Michael Jackson. You know, "Close the store, its all mine" like he used to do. I always wondered what its like to be that powerful, but honesty, I think this way is better. Yes, I said better, because in the end, if you actually think about it, you value the clothes you have, or the new clothes you just bought, a lot more.
   I used to see those shows with rich people, like cribs, and at least 80% of those celebrities had clothes that they never wore, and they were standing there, in the closet showing it to the world, smiling. I always had to turn the channel at some point, because that really annoyed me. So yes, when I actually have something from Topshop, a sweater for example, I think I'm going to wear it for years. Mark my words!
 I don't really consider myself vain or anything like that. I know my limits, I know there's more important things than clothes. But like my friend Beth says (see Beth you're in the bloooog!!!) I'm a person who likes to take care of herself.

  Me: How come?
Beth: You know, you wear make up and shit.

 And yes, I like to take care of myself. That's why, when I was coming back home my mind (here we go again) started wondering, what would I actually do to support myself when I leave the University. And no I'm not repeating myself again, bear with me please, but I thought about possibilities. We all know that in Sex and the City, Carrie simply wrote a column and yet she had money to own her own apartment, and her Manolo's. In real life, things are not that simple, well, except if you write for The Guardian or Times Magazine, then yes, I believe you can own your own apartment and the occasional Jimmy Choo's. But not when you work for the local paper, IF, I ever manage to actually write for a paper or a magazine.
 As much as I wished I could write for Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Cosmo, Teen Vogue, Elle, I don't really see that happening. But then again I could write a best seller.  You know, since Snooki from Jersey Shore did it, why not me?
 But I don't see that happening in the near future. I do have plans. And I only shared them, with one of the most important people in my life. My Mom. The problem is, my Mom is the most amazing person in the world, part of that amazingness, is her sense of humor, somehow she's always joking. So you never really know, when she's being serious, or making fun of you because you fail at life. Sometimes it's one, sometimes the other, but when it's me, it's usually both. So, the conversation went something like this.

   Me: - Tells plans of her life -
Mom: *tries not to laugh* Huuum.
  Me: Mom? What do you think?
Mom: Hummm *tries not to speak otherwise is just going to laugh a lot*
  Me: Mom?
Mom: *laughs hysterically*
  Me: I'm serious!!!
Mom: Oh! Hum... Well, you'll be fine...

 Of course, easy for her to say, but not exactly easy in the end is it? Anyway, I'm still hopeful! And even if it's going to take a while, because I know it will, I hope in the end I can make it. I managed to do everything else didn't I?
 And when I was almost arriving home, I noticed that I got lost in my thoughts again, and my mp4 was not playing any music. So I pressed "Play" and the music "Lucky Man" started playing. And I believe, I am indeed a Lucky Woman. 

 So the question is.
 "To be rich? Or not to be rich and be happy?" But then again many people agree that "Money brings happiness." But that's another post, me thinks! Have a nice weekend!

The Adventure of Myself and I.

 Everyone has one alter ego. If you're thinking you don't have one, you're lying. Alter-ego, or at least mine, is that little voice in your head that is always talking constantly and that, as much as you try, you can't simply shut it off. I named my alter-ego Myself, seemed appropriate. I must say that over the years, I learned how to live with it, and ignore it most of the time. But other times it's just hard to ignore it. Like today.

 To describe Myself, you basically have to imagine me but 10000000x times more awesome. Basically I'm a Hollywood Actress, who sings rock songs (and I'm pretty good at it), and I'm also a legend (with no apparent reason for it). Or, if you will, the President of my own mind. So of course, as anyone on that position, not only is the voice super confident and somewhat arrogant, but also completely full of herself. That's why, most of the times I don't listen to it and I just do my own thing. I was on the way to send another postcard (this time for my grand-mother), and even though it was cold, I had my mp4 with me, and I was actually enjoying that little walk. And soon enough, Myself decided to step in.

 Myself - I'm so proud of you! All grown up, going to the post office like a true adult. Awh, I would cry if I actually cared.
          I - Right...
 Myself - Are you going to talk with the post office man? All by yourself??
          I - Yes.
 Myself - Are you sure darling? Maybe you should ask one of your friends to come with you?  You know, just in case you start stumbling on your own words?
          I - Shut up.
 Myself - Soooo mature! Such a little woman you are!
          I - Go away.

 However, her remark made me think about it for, well, a couple of hours. I really DID matured at some level. And yes, even though she made fun of me, even last year I would ask my mother to ask for a bottle a water for me when we went out to a restaurant. And you might laugh at this, but I was simply afraid of... loads of things. To be rude to the waiter without knowing it, for example. However, after I started working in a local supermarket back home, 90% of that shyness, or fear, disappeared. I had to interact with people, there was no other way to avoid it, and I must say, once I started talking I never stopped.
 But the most important thing, that to me its still a thing I can't believe I did, is that I was able to move away from my parents. And when I decided to move I made it big, not only did I changed to another house, but I changed to another country. I never expressed to my parents the fear, and the panic attacks I had every time I thought about moving. My friends always knew though, because I spent sleepless nights thinking about it and on the next day I looked worst than a zombie.
 The first night I stayed here alone. I looked at the window, and even though I was sad, I whispered "I did it. I really did it." And yet, the smallest things of this journey of independence still amaze me. One thing I discovered, is that I'm actually good SAVING money. Well, besides Christmas presents, every time I went to shop for food I manage to barely pass the 10 pounds mark, per week. Even today I went shopping for this week and I spent 11 pounds. I find it funny that now I have to actually see what's missing and what I need, instead of having my mom doing it.
 Of course I still have to improve some things like laundry, I hate doing laundry, its so boring that I feel my body melting while I'm waiting for it. Oh and vacuum my room... every time I have to do it I feel like I'm vacuum my soul too. But those are just small details I guess. I can't be perfect, can I?
 I'm glad I didn't give up of this adventure. I'm glad my parents supported and support me through the whole thing, and my friends too. And most of all, I'm glad to say:

         I - You know what Myself? I really am maturing. And I'm really going to talk with the post office guy, and I'm going to pick up some groceries, and then I'm going to cook my own dinner.
Myself - Uhhhhhhhhhh! What's for dinner??????
         I - Strogonoff...
Myself - Oh I can't wait! You know I really like it when you put a little of...


 And yes, this is how my life goes. But for once "I'm the one behind the wheel".

Future and "What Else?"

  My dear friends, today I find myself in a questioning mode. With nothing by my side than a simple bottle of water (and maybe pizza ahahaha), I decided to come here and write about this fear of mine that's been haunting me for some time now. First of all, I don't want to say I'm deciding to get married soon, or move soon, or anything like that, the questions and analyses that I'm about to make are just random thoughts that I had while having a nervous epiphany, for the lack of a better word. I was there taking a shower, and the sudden question popped into my mind "What Else?"

 Now, I've been trying to shake this question out of my head. You see, since I'm studying abroad, there's a ticking clock counting down the days of these three years. It might seem like a long time for some, but then again I thought about the same thing about highschool, and here I am now, in the University. What am I going to do next with a writing degree? Sometimes I think my father was right, I should take another degree, you now, something fancy like journalism. People would ask me "What do you do for a living?" and I would answer with my fancy and super intelligent mode (you know wearing the glasses and all) "I'm a journalist. I work for News Today." Sounds so much better then "I'm a blogger, and I'm currently working to get my book published" when in the end, I don't even have a actual book, just some pages full of ideas.
 
 I can even listen to myself in the early stages of my life, looking at me with disappointment and rolling their eyes at the person that I am today:

 5 Year Old Me: You're a writer? No! You are supposed to be a princess! Like Ariel! And swim in the ocean like a real mermaid! You don't even have her hair!

  Nowadays Me: I know, I'm sorry! I don't really know if you can study to be Ariel in the real world, but I'm sorry, I do like to swim though!

 7 Year Old Me: You're supposed to be a doctor! I wanted to save babies!

 Nowadays Me: I know, I'm so sorry, I wanted to save babies to but it's really difficult to...

10 Year Old Me: No it's not! You're supposed to be studying dolphins! I wanted to study dolphins remember? DOLPHINS ARE CUTE!

Nowadays Me: I still agree with that! Dolphins are awesome! They fight with sharks and they are really nice...

15 Year Old Me: Are you serious right now? Aren't you supposed to be a rockstar? I mean I have guitar lessons for what? Are you kidding me? How pathetic and uncharacteristically me are you?

Nowadays Me: Uh that's a big word! I'm proud of you, even though you are kinda of emo and you don't really like the world right now ..


 This is what I have to put up with. And then there's the pressure from the people around you. Its not really their fault, they don't even know they're doing it. Like when my father or my grand mother ask me "So, do you have a boyfriend yet?" That's when you have to smile and answer "Haven't found him yet!", and of course ignore that pang on your heart. That doesn't mean however, that I'm not having fun. In fact I have. I have been having some fun, but nothing serious. Not that I don't want to have a boyfriend, I really can't wait to meet him, but for now, I just haven't met him yet. That's all folks!
 There's just this huge pressure coming from that non-stopping ticking clock that just shows us how time keeps passing by, and how the little things that you enjoy about life now, will be taken away in the future. I mean when are going to see those Disney movies again? When are going to read a good childish book like Harry Potter just for the fun of it? Those things are replaced by a single question: What are you going to do next?
 What am I going to do next. The expectable? Finish my course, get married, have a couple of children, buy my own house, my car, have a job... you know monotony. The more time passes by, the more I feel unprepared to have that life. If you ask the 5 Year Old Me, if she wanted to be married, she would say:

 5 Year Old : Yes, I'm going to be married when I'm twenty, with a guy like my ken doll, he's a surfer!!!

 Things don't really work like that, don't work like our 5 Year Old Disney stories. I wish they did, not the married part though. Right now, I don't want to be married at all. Marriage actually scares me more than having to move to a different country all by myself. The future itself scares me more then, I don't know, then death?

 And so the question keeps ringing in my ears... What else Maria?

Friday Night Out

I'm going to try to write something different here, I'm going to try not to make this blog about food, since my two last posts were about that, making me sound ... not the way I wanted to sound. The problem though, as being a blogger, and having my parents reading my posts, the subjects that I want to write need a slightly change. So for my own sake, because even though I live in another country, I can still listen to my parents lecturing me thanks to the internet, so I'm going to change a few words on this post.

 Girls need desperately a "girls night out". Guys, don't really tend to understand why... But the main reason is, we need to get away from the male specie, and interact with our own... And we need to say bad things about the male specie. I mean, c'mon you're far from perfect, and we know you guys also say bad things about us. So, yes, we have girls night out. Dancing all night, having simple, and pure, fun. I need it so badly sometimes that I don't think my friends even now how much I love them for taking me out. Yesterday, was one of those days. I woke up with a strange feeling of depression.
 Unfortunately, when you are a female and as soon as you hit puberty, the mood swings are very, very common. That doesn't mean that I like to have them, and even though I should be used to them by now, well I am not. I hate mood swings. I hate waking up and taking that day as a bad day no matter what happens. The sun might be shining, the birds might be singing, and I am in my room with the curtains closed watching Titanic. 
  Not yesterday, I was not going to let this haze of depression fall on my shoulders. So, I went shopping with one of my friends, because that's one way to cure depression for me, and I went shopping for make up, which its like stepping into heaven if you will. I was also trying to ignore that dark cloud of depression because it was Friday Night.
  Friday Night, means, in good girlish english, going out with your friends. I was really excited, it has been a long time since I haven't gone out with my friends since before Christmas. Obviously, I could not wait any longer.
  As soon as I went down to my friend's room to get ready, I felt so happy. We put our make up on, we got ready, and we hit the road.
  Even though we always dance to the same songs, I don't think this night never gets old. It became, at least for me, like my personal therapist. I love dancing, not that professional type of dance, but just dancing to the beat and the lights. And it's always fun to see those crazy fellas dancing like robots on "funny pills". After a couple of glasses of "orange juice" I was having the time of my life. I needed it so badly.

 When you start this journey of moving to another place, sometimes you can't help but miss everyone you had back home. And when my "depression" hits it's always because I'm missing my family. I do thank every day for the internet, it makes things so much easier. Even though skype is a headache and keeps crashing down in the middle of conversations, I still love it because at least I can still see my mother, even if it's for a few seconds.
 Things are easier now, then when it was back in September when I first moved, but still sometimes you can still feel that pang of regret of leaving your family behind. Even if its for pursuing your dream and they are 100% behind your decision. I'm ok today. I am ok with the decision I made. But yesterday ... humph.
But hey, Friday Night saved me!

"That's what you get when you let your heart win" - so true.

 It's all for today. See you in the next bloggity.

Oh Starbucks, the things you do to me!

 So first of all, before I start  to tell you my day, I'm going to say that all of this started because of a postcard. You see, I woke up, took a shower, and looked outside and saw the sun. THE SUN!! Let me tell you that, when you're living in the North of England in the middle of winter, when you see the sun you can't help yourself to almost cry of joy. Like, cry rivers of joy. No, not rivers... OCEANS!
 Ok, so maybe that's a little to much, but you get the picture. So, got dressed, and I was ready to go outside. My plan was to go to the groceries to buy some random things, like eggs and soup, because I've been living on pasta and ham for the last couple of days. But then I opened my bag to see if I had money, and I saw one postcard that I bought last week with one of my friends. I was excited when I bought it because I never wrote any letters, or sent any postcards because... Well, because we have internet now, and it's easier to just call my parents on Skype. So, I had this brilliant idea: I was going to send that postcard!! Yes! What a triumph! I could see my parents receiving the postcard with tears in their eyes, all amazed by their brilliant daughter!
 So, I got out of the house, to go to the post office to buy some stamps and send the postcard. Before I go any further, let me explain you how things work here where I live. I live 5 minutes away from the University, and 20 minutes away from the town (where the stores, supermarkets and of course Starbucks, are). The post office is right in front of the University, so it's a short walk. I went there, took care of the postcard, and when I came out I felt the cold winter breeze, and suddenly my awesome brain had another brilliant idea. Which resulted in a interior monologue between Myself and I.

  Myself. - I had a brilliant idea.
           I  - What?
  Myself. - You should totally go to Starbucks right now.
           I  - I'm listening ...
  Myself. - It's a wonderful day, you've been living on pasta and ham, and you know what you should have right now? A nice tasty, delicious Hot Chocolate with CREAM.
           I - Oh my God that's just the most perfect idea ever.
 Myself. - I know!!
           I - But I really shouldn't. I'm going to walk all the way to the town, and then I have to come up. I'm not even wearing my good boots. I'm wearing the ones that hurt my feet.
 Myself. - As soon as you taste the chocolate you won't even care about your feet!
           I - That's so true... Ok, let's go then. 


  And there I went! Like a true soldier! My mp4 blasting U2 - beautiful day, the sun shining so beautifully. Everything went smoothly like Myself told me. I walked on the street with a smile on my face. The Starbucks lady was super nice and I got my Hot Chocolate (because I don't really like coffee). And honestly, who really needs food with all the Hot Chocolate deliciousness has to offer?  Not me! Oh no! I had everything I needed in my hand. Forget those eggs and soup!
 But after I stepped out of Starbucks reality hit me. Like every decision in my life, there always one point where I just open my eyes and the blue sky and green grass are not like that anymore. The sky becomes gray and the grass is transformed magically in mud. I had to go all the way up to my house. I'm not kidding. It's really all the way up. Almost like climbing a mountain but not really. I tasted the chocolate, I had all the energy I needed right in my hand. I knew I could do it, I already did that loads of times before.
  But slowly, everything I loved on that day, started to destroy me. My mp4 started playing depressing songs, like "you're going to dieeeee" type of songs, that I have to the days when I feel depressed. The sun started burning against the two jackets I was wearing, I was sweating like hell, I could feel my make up melting against my skin, and my hair greasing all of the sudden. And my feet, oh my poor feet were screaming in agony, I could feel them falling apart. My bag (that only had my wallet inside, because I forgot my phone and everything else was in my pockets) suddenly weighed a lot. Instead of carrying a wallet, I was carrying a bag full of stones.
  I'm not even exaggerating. And the saddest thing of everything, is that when I was finally arriving home, I decided to drink my hot chocolate as a "Congratulations girl you made it to the top! Literally!" present for myself, the hot chocolate was warm. Warm, but almost cold. I wanted to cry in misery.
  When I finally got home, my card didn't open the door. You need a card to enter in my building, not a key. And my card was like "AHAHAHA I'm going ruin your day like the rest of the world!!!". And there was even a guy looking at me, inside the building and he did not move a foot to help me. But a nice girl that came from the elevator opened the door. I think she was my angel. You know, like when you're dying and you start seeing angels. She was mine, and opened the door for me.
  When I entered in on my room in my dorm, I lied in my bed and smiled.

  Just another day in my life I guess.

Introduction

It's never a good sign when it's midnight and your eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream staring at your laptop screen thinking "My future is here". My hands keep typing and brain says to me "Yes! This is it! This is your turning point! This is where your going to change your life!!". Thanks brain. Oh if life was so easy like that, I wouldn't need Ben and Jerry's ice cream to actually type this. You see, I always thought when I grow up, I'll be a terrific writer, I'll write the next Harry Potter, I'll be loved and adored, and I'll have movies and whatnot...
 These thoughts, I had when I was ten, and I was coming out from the movies, after seeing my first Harry Potter. The thing is as years went by, and I'm now at the University, I realize that maybe, and just maybe, things are not that black and white. First of all, even though I am in a Writing Course, I have to admit that all my colleagues are way better then me. And it's just not one of them, no, they all are incredible genius. I mean every single time that I read one of their pieces, I feel a stab in my heart. A talking stab by the way... That says "AHAHA YOU FAIL AT LIFE" and stabs.
  So I'm going to start a blog, because well, because I can. And it's free... And... And yeah.
  I'm not expecting that something big will come out of this, because I do tend to be incredibly pessimist with my own projects, but hey, what doesn't kill you right?
 So ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Lifestyle of the Young and Confused. The name is self explanatory, I think, it's about me, a girl, that's leading a confused lifestyle... And maybe the part that I'm young will defend me from my own mistakes... Because I do make a lot of them ... And then I explain them by saying "Hey, I'm only young! I make mistakes and I'm partially stupid!"
 Oh yes and I do have a name, my name is Maria. And I apologize in advance for not having a sophisticated way of writing, but I'm not english. Not that this explains it, but I don't have a big reason to explain it anyway. And probably nobody will even read this ...
So, sit back, bring on your popcorn and enjoy the ride through a troublesome university student's mind.